Today I welcome an extra special guest to my blog. My son, Lewis, who is in Year 6 of primary school and is studying Kings & Queens for his topic this term. Constantly being dragged to castles by his mother and a good smattering of the Horrible Histories tv show, thankfully, have instilled in him a love of all things historical.

His homework this term was to do something Kings & Queens related – but he could choose what. Lewis’s favourite monarch is Charles II, and so he chose to write Charles’s diary and asked if I would share it on here too – what mother could refuse?

So, over to Lewis….

Diary of Charles II

Battle of Marston Moor, 2nd July 1644

Hello! I have heard that my cousin, Prince Rupert, was attacked by those bad Roundheads and his dog, Boye, you know that poodle which pee’d if you said the name ‘Pym’ and would do a dance for dad, got shot by a Roundhead musketeer. What’s more is that he was attacked at dinner! Not a good battle, we lost.

Execution of Daddy reported to me, 1st February 1649

We lost the Civil War and dad’s dead. that means I am king, but for some reason they chose a puritan, a strict protestant, (sad face) to rule and his name is Oliver Cromwell. (He has a big wart!).

A Terrible Christmas and Things get Worse, 25th December 1651

Still not King and my people are having a terrible Christmas. Pretty much because there is no Christmas because Oliver Cromwell banned it because it was “sinful”. He has also banned music, theatre, art (although he did have his face painted  by Mr Larry on his order), pubs, parks, sports, etc.

Restoration!!! (smiley face), 29th May 1660

Cromwell has been dead for 2 years and his son, Richard, was about as much use as a raspberry pickaxe (yum yum yum). So a chap called General Monck came (I wonder if he was – a monk?) to my door to ask me to be king of England, which can only mean one thing … PARTY!!!

So I accepted his offer and I was known as Charles the II. This is when the fun comes in…

Dad’s Anniversary and Cromwell’s Execution (he was dead already and we dug him up), 30th January 1661

It’s dad’s anniversary of when he got executed and to celebrate (?) we dug Cromwell up and killed him again. He was hung and off went his head. What!?!?! He was a bad man. He wanted to ban everything!

Coronation and things finally Rise to Greatness, 23rd April 1661

Ever since the Restoration there are lots of bans lifted, and new furniture. I also received the world’s first coronation mug by a man called Sudders who I made my loyal adviser. And people shouted “Charlie! Charlie” etc. I was followed by Lords from the Tower of London to Westminster Abbey where I was crowned. Then I had the biggest party yet!

Wedding/getting married to Catherine of Braganza at Portsmouth , 21st May 1662

I’m marrying Catherine at noon and I need to prepare my wedding cake. I am planning it to be a 3 layered chocolate cake with chocolate icing and, of course, a party.

Tea! 13th June 1665

Catherine brought tea with her from Braganza in Portugal, near Spain. At first I thought she was crazy because it was dead leaves. Then I drank it (yuck), tried having milk in it and it was better.

Plague!!! 3rd June 1665

No! This is not when it happened! It is when I heard the reports of it. Moving to Oxford  with the Royal Court now. Eek! Rats! Run to Oxford everyone! (sad face).

Later … 13th June 1665

Phew! Still alive. Glad the horses weren’t infected. I have escaped the plague and this plague is known as the Great Plague. Or was it the Black Death? No, definitely Great Plague.

Hot, hot, hot! 2nd September 1666

Pudding Lane is baking us at the minute because it is the Great Fire of London, thanks to Thomas Farriner who dropped the embers to start the fire. I did try to put out the fire for 3 days and it was hot! We were able to put out the fire in 3 days. Although there is no more London because the city is burned to the ground.

On the good side no more plague because the rats ran away, only 6 people died in the fire and I am able to rebuild the modern city. However the city won’t be rebuilt until 1667.

Happy Birthday to Me! I am 41, 29th May 1671

I am having a fun birthday! Everyone is having fun! Even the servants are having fun! I invited them too! Sudders didn’t have a good time. He didn’t want to be invited. But I invited him too! In the end he was happy. Best birthday ever!

Playing Judge, 30th May 1671

I was sentencing Colonel Thomas Blood this morning and he was funny even though he’d committed treason by stealing the Crown Jewels. I let him off, gave him his own estate in Ireland, a nice big one and a manor house. He was also invited to the palace for tea.

Tea Party! 31st May 1671

I had a fun time at the party and so did Blood. He also had a story about the time he tried to kill me – and other funny stories.

This is the end of my diary. Have a wonderful day.

Tricked You! Visiting Samuel Pepys, 30th June 1672

I went to see the Royal Society member Samuel Pepys, at the Society. he told me at the Society that he published a book known as The History of Fishes. I know! Isaac Newton had asked “Who needs to know about fish?”

Pepys had also buried some wine and cheese during the Great Fire of London. Unfortunately he couldn’t remember where he’d buried it.

This time it is the end of the Diary. Thank you for listening (smiley face).

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A great big ‘thank you’ to Lewis for allowing me to publish his wonderful diary.

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Pictures courtesy of Wikipedia

Sources: Tony Robinson’s Kings & Queens by Tony Robinson; Horrible Histories Slimy Stuarts by Terry Deary; Horrible Histories Cruel Kings and Mean Queens by Terry Deary; Horrible Histories Top 50 Kings & Queens by Terry Deary

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My book, Heroines of the Medieval World,  is now available in hardback in the UK from both Amberley Publishing and Amazon UK and worldwide from Book Depository. It is also available on Kindle in both the UK and USA and will be available in Hardback from Amazon US from 1 May 2018.

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